#look last time i posted smth on ao3 i got hit with the ao3 authors curse

[raillue]

what if i

what if i make a fic for my winged crow au

what then

[a-very-fond-farewell]

Who Holds The Devil, a fic recommendation:

Hi, Niki here.

Ok so, I know I rarely post anymore bc.. reasons (uni is killing me & I even had to step away from my own long ass fic for a tiny bit) BUT if you are in the market for a delectable, truly masterfully written fic as you scroll through the The Devil Judge content on ao3, lemme introduce you to the (ongoing, mind u) 200k+, post canon of your dreams: Who Holds The Devil

https://archiveofourown.org/works/34699867/chapters/86395570?view_adult=true

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written by the lovely @amethystinawrites (who’s also a great artist btw, check dem cool creations out @lienwyn), the story follows the classic, superior introspective format that we all love to find at 3am on a weekday with an early wake up call the following morning, which is Unreliable Narrator 101 (clearly).

I wanted to introduce you all to this lovely fic bc I recently caught up with the latest chapter (23) and I wanted to publish the notes I’ve taken for (almost) each update of the plot. I could have easily cut to the chase and posted them in a neatly wrapped comment on ao3 but... you’re talking with the danmei extraordinaire who just reached 350k on their own ongoing gay little fictlet so....... you KNOW my notes would have not been able to fit into the character limit of ao3 comments, right??

so what you will find below is just the product of my live-reaction to some of the stuff I’ve read in the fic. without context, they won’t make much sense to you BUT there will be spoilers for both the ending of the kdrama AND for the aforementioned fic so. BACK AWAY NOW and I would love you all regardless.

this is a spectacular work, it reads fluently, has alternative titles, ~glucose fathers~, helps coming to terms with some truly disturbing shit drama-wise while simultaneously making it easier for the reader to see how much of an unreliable (and gullible? at times? bby u need some railing soon. we got u boo) narrator the protagonist actually is AND it includes a kitten (nothing new for the drama fans, but still, who says no to kittens?).

if you still aren’t sold on this beauty or you haven’t seen the drama, please go do that as soon as you can. personally I think there ARE a few things that made me uncomfortable in the drama (if you know you know, that Texas twist was uncalled for imo), but if you love Villains and Anti-heroes plotting their plotty plots, pretty, older, EVIL ladies (with the occasional younger sinnamon cinnamon roll), BlackMirror-esque scenarios but on steroids, fabulous dramatics and charismatic idiots... then this is the show for you.

which brings me back to the actual reason I decided to write this post! under the cut there are the (short, admittedly) chapter-by-chapter notes I’ve written while reading Who Holds The Devil, so if you don’t know the fic in question and were intrigued enough to check it out thanks to my great pitching abilities (*oneshots an entire bottle of coke as they laught nervously*), then you go do that and then come back to read the notes.

it’s nothing huge, really. my last chapter in my own fic received some great comments from some truly lovely readers and I felt energized by their earnestness, enough to plan to do smth nice myself for an author I admire. I have generally little time to read fiction these days, since I research heavily for my fics and all, so I really wanted to take the time to appreciate this precious thing.

one small thing. if you want to reblog this post of mine, consider visiting @amethystinawrites ‘s tumblr first. I’m not posting this to get attention for myself or my trashcan tumblr blog, I’m doing this to share the love for a great writer so... go there and look around, hit the “follow button” and then share posts from there. like this beauty up here! THANK U DEARS!

last chance: BIG SPOILERS AHEAD!

buckle up and here we go!

(tw grief and some tmi from my part):

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(chapters 1-23)

ch.1:

as i’m reading this, i can sense the crushing loneliness and grief and how sometimes your life could orbit around a small cat because it’s the only thing keeping u sane. i have experienced smth similar after my grandparents’ passing last year and i can feel it here as well.

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ch.2:

seeing how Ga On cares for Elijah made me tear up. he’s so fond of her. author is very smart about communicating these small things that make life worth living;

i like how the author writes dreams: the way they turn into nightmares when Ga On gets a little too close to realise smth, the way they turn to smth feeble at the edges of his understanding of them;

the remorse Ga On feels for wishing Yo Han to get hurt at Elijah’s expense is so palpable, i hadn’t even considered that while watching. there were so many things happening at once. but author must have thought deeply about it and it shows;

the “feeling guilty for crying” part resonated with me a lot;

Ga On needing friends and human connection? reminds me of when i self-isolated for an entire year with my family and didn’t speak to anyone else, not even texting;

wanting to do everything alone? me and my three-year recovery from burnout would agree if we weren’t little stubborn bitches

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ch.3:

loneliness makes u colder, there’s a scientific explanation for it but it fails me now. Ga On looking for warmth seems appropriate;

i like the part where Ga On admits to himself the future he would have had with Soo Hyun was hazy at best. it doesn’t detract from how much she meant to him, but i think honesty is a good way to honour her memory

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ch.4:

author smart, every question seems reasonable and well thought out, my understanding is limited but all sounds very compelling;

Yo Han u sneaky bitch treat yo self, have some fun

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ch.5:

judge Oh.. i’ve missed her, i was so keen on seeing how she was doing after everything that happened;

the guilt for “forgetting” about thinking of someone is very real: i’m glad to see a character going through the same things i have experienced, it makes me feel less alone in my past struggles and the perception i have of them;

the part of deserving pain and misery felt also very real;

i miss Soo Hyun too;

this fic makes me feel drained after each new chapter but in the same way the movie “The Farewell” does, helping me work through my own grief one sobbing session at a time. gotta love it

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ch.6:

i have the biggest crush on judge Oh and the author is making it worse;

distance make the heart grow fonder for real y’all…;

Yo Han lives in survival mode at all times and i can relate to that;

Ga On is such an unreliable narrator i want to call him an idiot sandwich to his face but he’s too compassionate for me to be this cruel to him;

i know the rituals are intricate, i know they are;

(sudden thought: i really really want to see Yo Han tipsy or drunk. i want him to be funny like only old men can be while making a fool of themselves);

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ch.7:

competence is a good look on Ga On. i should learn from him and try to make friends;

communication is not their stronger point;

stepping away from trauma and from codependency from your child is hard to work through, but Yo Han is trying;

author is very smart about manipulation tactics (but also, self-doubting idiots). i am impressed

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ch.8:

(no notes this time bc this chapter was too gripping i forgot to write my thoughts down, sorry)

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ch.9:

“i like hearing you happy” judge Oh please marryME;

“friends” sounding wrong is so funny to me: how do u even relate to someone like Yo Han in a normal context??;

Oh Jin Joo marry ME;

“i grew up in a basement” that’s the level of fact-checking i aspire to on a daily basis;

Yo Han using expressions willingly.. he is reading on how to communicate better, isn’t he?;

Elijah my child ;-; so cute;

i didn’t know judges usually graduate in COURTing as well

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ch.10:

i will have to kidnap judge Oh, yes;

“i don’t ever want you to suffer because you think it will make me happy. it won’t”………… author is giving me unreasonable expectations about wife-material individuals;

JUDGE OH MARRY ME;

(*checks fandoms of interest as of recently*) why is it always the murder-husbands trope that gets me…;

that talk about the “imagined grief” ah yes, i play at that game sometimes. it’s horrifying. and this is perhaps the second time i see it explored in the 10 years i’ve been reading fanfictions… well done author;

started reading in loud-whisper now: that’s when u know the plot is good;

that admission was so raw, i love it;

Yo Han is running away ah!;

“are you punishing me?” i am frothing at the mouth. author deserves treats;

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ch.11:

(reader is distracted by the dialogue but so far Yo Han is doing his best to explain himself and we are HERE for it);

Yo Han has encyclopaedic knowledge on human emotions but people are not that easily predictable;

oh my god Kang Yo Han, you cannot simply ask people why they can’t get a grip so that you can be with them (eye roll);

Soo Hyun knew Ga On so much they didn’t need words between them… he needs to practice now;

i forgot the brother-doppelgänger trope: i am an imbecile;

the hug ;-; i’m dying

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ch.12:

author is really good with nightmares;

look, i’m not saying that Ga On needs therapy but.. Ga On my boi u need therapy;

(reader got distracted by how cool judge Oh is)

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ch.13:

new characters yay!;

Ga On not knowing how to interact with people reminds me of my own struggles in uni as i decided to go back after almost 4 years of forced isolation from other people in my age range. depression is a bad bitch and re-learning to talk to others?? not easy;

so cheeky my boi;

aside from the praise kink, the order-me-around one is also strong in this one;

this boi can fit so much possessiveness i swear!

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ch.14:

listen, i forgot the bomb was a thing n the drama. author is smart;

lawyer Ko is great. we stan;

lawyer Ko recognises a possessive man and his destructive tendencies alright.. i guess bonding over overthrowing a government does that to a guy like him;

a nice dream~;

“Something within Ga On resonated with the darkness and secrets that hid at Yo Han's core. Like a constant pull, a taut thread of tension, tying them together. Drawing them closer, making them align. Like a steady hum of rightness that left ripples long after they parted, reverberating inside Ga On until his very essence seemed to change frequency.” …….listen, i may as well quit writing. this is poetry to me and it will haunt me for weeks;

this feels like beauty and the beast, reminding Yo Han of his humanity and all;

awkward uncle Yo Han deserves respect;

and i love the fact that Elijah doesn’t make the connection right away. feels normal. organic. i remember how unaware i used to be at her age about adults and their business, i was too busy dealing with my denials and traumas.. so yeah, i like this outcome. it’s also a fresh thing to read, especially since i’m using the match-making trope in my current fic and i’m having fun planning how to overrule it entirely ahah. playing with reader’s expectations is FUN 😈🔥

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ch.15:

judge Oh please tug on MY lapels;

praise this good puppy!;

i was wondering about how Ga On had felt that first day after the explosion. he really thought he had lost everything uh?;

“are you planning to murder more people?” should be standard flirting procedure;

Ga On knows how to bargain;

i had to draw the line myself once, with a friend. it was horrible. they tried to reason with me, then tried to change my mind, then it was clear i had to leave for my own good. this is the first time i see this topic examined in fiction so efficiently. it feels real

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16:

the part about “holding that line” resonated with me on a visceral level, almost scary;

i am in love with all these boss bitches author has come up with;

chairwoman Moon use me as a floor mat i am begging u;

not me noticing how Ga On trying to make a businesswoman be held accountable for her choices echoes Ga On asking Yo Han the same: again, author SMART;

friendship is great i love these kids;

yes, make Jin Joo feel special Ga On! she always wanted that more than fame anyway. u go kid!;

hug ME judge Oh! i’ll get all the germs no problem

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ch.17:

this really hits too close to home sometimes, with the whole second-guessing-despite-being-sure Ga On is going through. i think i needed that. it’s cathartic. it helps;

on one hand i cannot help myself from being fond of Elijah as she is, abrasive and blunt. on the other, i’m glad Ga On calmed down enough to articulate his point properly and teach her about when to step back from other people’s private business. that was very cool to read;

Professor Min >:( this is going to be interesting;

(update) i can feel the shaky-camness in this scene holy fucko;

“you might not want to admit it, but you sold yourself to the devil” yooo that must have been fun to write!;

“so did you” what a PUNCH LINE my guy!;

MY DEVIL??? OH AUTHOR U SLY LOVABLE WALKING BRAIN ON STEROIDS;

Oh Jin Joo step on me;

the Kang Yo Han to Proper Mensch pipeline;

LOCAL JUDGE SHOULD FIND A GOOD WIFE HERE IS MY CV MAAM

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ch.18:

dude be screaming his love confession in reply text messages for MONTHS yet only now decides it’s still a good time to nope this out of the way and wait some more before admitting to himself it was love the whole time. effervescent;

so embarrassing! this boi has a crush! ew!!;

ah, anger… the best and easier coverup to process emotions while in denial to rely on in times of confusion. yes. very productive;

GA ON-AH;

if author gets to use the breathy “hyung” card during intimate scenes in the future I’m gonna combust. this is so unfair. author is too good at this game 😔💕;

this puppy needs to channel his anger into some kickboxing or smth;

kang YOUR HAPPINESS MATTERS TO ME yo han ladies and gentlemen;

kang I MISS YOU TOO yo han y’all;

kang IM SORRY yo han. period;

oh this fucking diva i swear to any god willing to listen to me!!

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ch.19:

Go Eun hi!! :D so cute;

it’s good to see Ga On trying to be more in tune with his confidence, he would have crumbled in the past under Yo Han’s words just by thinking he deserved the pain they were suppose to inflict. good job kid;

OH BOI HERE WE COMIN COMIN

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ch.20:

Jin Joo u are making it harder and harder for me to ever be able to find a wife in the future, you know that yes?;

AWARENESS as the kids call it these days yes;

drunk Ga On is adorable;

he is saying I LOVE U you absolute buffoon;

omg it’s happening it’s HAPPENING CALM DOWN

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ch.21:

K ;-; ah he really ended up badly poor thing;

someone is nervous 👀;

(too distracted by FEELS to take notes sorry);

the part about small tomatoes being thrown was cute;

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ch.22:

i want my own oasis of calm too ;-; Ga On tell me your sugar bby secrets!;

i think this boi deserves a cuddle pile. just… pile everyone on top of him for a collective nap so he can convince himself that he is safe and cared for;

realising to be happy and consequently finding yourself sad bc it’s so sad that it took so long to be happy……. yeah. i know the feeling too well. nice to see it portrayed in fanfic. author smart;

ms Ji ;——; i hope she’s thriving;

(btw i really liked that scene in the drama when Ga On explored the house for the first time. the repetition of Ga Ons really did it for me. idk i’m just very attached to the visuals in that particular context);

(i also liked that scene where Yo Han defends his younger self from his father’s violence. we do that mental exercise in trauma work and to see it portrayed on screen was very hard to watch but also freeing);

someone can feel the Tension uh??;

bby girl is such a spoiled precious princess i love her;

i would love to take notes for Elijah!;

sugary negotiations ensue;

the pining is delicious

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ch.23:

give kitty some kiths;

another, grumpy, bigger cat seems to need some too… confused Yo Han is priceless;

listen, soapy hands are underrated as gay awakening material;

NO TRY HARDER omg Ga On u kinky bby;

take the free car u idiot he is courting u;

we are living our best single lives up in here while these two idiots keep flirting, it’s fine, i wish i could drink to wallow in my own misery but i don’t drink, but it’s fine, it’s cool, really;

kang ITS VERY CUTE yo han fuck this guy he’s making me yell at the sun;

they bicker like two old married gays;

yes Ga On order HIM around some more;

author u cannot use the word “starving” and expect me not to go feral feral on this fic

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(this is all I have for now but I’m so excited for what comes next! thank you author and please, take time to rest!)

[janiedean]

author interview

tagged by @aviss​, @rainhalydia​ and @wynafryd-manderly​ ty!!!

Name: lavinia

Fandoms: asoiaf/got, occasionally dark tower, mcu, iron fist, bastille day, used-to-be spn and whatever else but mainly asoiaf rn

Where You Post: ao3 and on tumblr but I try to repost on ao3 asap

Most Popular One-Shot: unless anything changed overnight... *checks* nah it hasn’t and it’s still I'll be the frosting to your cupcake, wench (jaimebrienne), which still continues to delight me to no end. xD

Most Popular Multi-Chapter Story: based on hits, and give all the love that you have in your soul (jaimebrienne, joncon/r, joncon/omc) and I’m absolutely delighted it’s this one because jonc being in one of my most popular things is always a good thing to me. ;)

Favourite Story You Wrote: thiiis is a loaded question and if I had finished sfbd it might be that, but as I still haven’t... eh, it’s still going to be in the darkness on the edge of town (jaimebrienne + others) aka the infamous Hooker AU Of Doom because idk how the hell this thing happened the way it happened but looking back on it... it’s imvho the best writing I ever put on page for this fandom or maybe it’s me being biased because I just stopped pretending I wasn’t writing an ode to bruce springsteen but whatever. it’s this one xD

Story You Were Nervous to Post: hmmmm I mean I get nervous enough times but probably and all my life, I never had a chance (jb, That Fic Where Jaime Gets Therapy Because We Know Who) because of the subject matter and the fact that it wasn’t exactly a walk in the park to write. also probably take off your skin and dance around your bones because it was like... way darker than my usual but no one hated me for it so xD

How You Choose Your Titles: unless for a miracle I already know, SONG TITLES. SONG TITLES. BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN, GASLIGHT ANTHEM AND BOBDYLAN.COM/LYRICS. OCCASIONALLY BON JOVI OR OTHER PEOPLE. BUT SONGS. HAHAHAHA. TITLES. I hate them xD

Do You Outline: no. outlining is the one thing that makes me want to stop writing the thing xD I only do very quick charts if I need to keep the timeline straight  and I write down recasts or smth but I never outline what happens in the fic.

Complete: on ao3? 436

In Progress: on ao3? 2. on my hd/in my head? let’s not even go there.

Coming Soon/Not Yet Started: UHM HAHAHAHA so let’s presume that we’re going for what I’m planning to do hopefully before february, no titles if I don’t have them but I usually don’t have them before the last ten minutes before posting:

next chapter of sfbd which I had started last year but that one nanowrimo didn’t work out

I might take halloween prompts maybe

au where all three of rhaegar’s kids survive and jon adops all of them which I had started last year but never finished

that post S8 afterlife fixit fic where everyone gives jaime hugs and he ends up in a thing with both ned and catelyn

finishing a brienne/cat thing an anon asked for in august that I had half-started but never got around to finish

possibly either the damned canon jaime/brienne/cat threesome or an au I had planned years ago where cat/ned coach them on the art of figuring out their issues in bed and ends with occasional ot4 but idk

hopefully a canon divergence where c/rsei marries rhaegar and jaime/jonc end up having a revenge affair while trying to split them up that I had planned years ago as well

i kinda wanna do that area 51 raid au thing I had planned last september

I also kiindaaaaa wanted to do the san/san spinoff for in the darkness on the edge of town

also i had planned a grapes of wrath throbb + other starks au ages ago so we’ll see

same for the calvinist soulmates au

same for at least one opera singers sequel

whatever I get assigned for yuletide

that said this all depends on whether this year I bite the bullet and write original stuff for nanowrimo while hopefully not shooting myself for lack of time so we just don’t know but anyway, feel free to vote on what you wanna see first xD

Do You Accept Prompts: when I have the askbox open for them yes, if it’s not stated I’ll accept any ideas but I don’t guarantee anything because I’m swamped already xD

Upcoming Story You Are Most Excited to Write: ngl I’ve wanted to do the grapes of wrath thing for a long time but as it is idk when I’ll get to it so tie between the original stuff even if I’m lowkey terrified bc I haven’t written original in years and the joncon/jaime secret affair thing ;)

Tagging: hmmmm @lordhellebore @randomingoftherandomness @hardlyfatal and @ivory--and--gold if they want to!! :D